Let me warn you now that what you are about to read is just an experiment. If you have checked your blood pressure today, make sure that it’s running slower than the usual gush of water in your faucet. I just don’t want you to bother reading this if you don’t have the guts and not waste your time with my own notes of shenanigans or trigger a heart attack with your extreme devotion to your reading habits. Don’t worry, this essay has no intention to awaken the darkest side of the deepest core of your soul and enlighten you at the same time.
If you’re going to read this insipid piece of crap, make sure that you’ve got a hell of a patience stuffed in that dreary organ of yours – brain or heart, you choose, stupid ass – because this is an experiment to make you lose your intestinal fortitude. Yes, to vex you. It may sound a bit contradicting but this piece won’t make you feel angry but I assure you, somewhere in the middle, you’re gonna lose your patience.
Listen. If you believe that Oprah and Arnold Schwarzenegger do not bear the same sound when they snore but their vocal cords do, you’re gonna continue reading this not because I’ll be telling you more weird, cheap gossips about pathetic who-the-hell-ever. You’re going to continue reading this because you know that I don’t have anything to say, for this is just only an experiment and that you are my stupid subject. Now if you do not agree to the statement I entered in the second sentence of this paragraph, you better start thinking that a million sluts are better than a sloth sitting there, giving up the task of rolling those eyeballs, because the earwax in your ears (oh, the ears! nice guess, moron) is thick enough to make a candle out of it. And I bet that your sluggishness in doing stuff concerning hygiene is the same attitude you have towards reading and consequently, you won’t be able to finish this and find out what this is all about.
This is an experiment, for fuck’s sake! Didn’t I tell you yet? I am not a mad scientist but I can play that role. If you have succeeded reaching this paragraph, let me say it’s an honor to annoy you. Nothing personal. If you think you are exasperated more with this seemingly freshly defecated essay rather than the things it has to say (there’s a big difference, idiot!), continue reading and finish what you started. If you believe otherwise, then STOP READING! Before you begin thinking how nonsensical it all is and blurt out something unpleasant to your mother’s ears, let me do say it first: “Fuck you, motherfucker!”
If you’re still reading, I commend you. Your BP is lower than normal. Why don’t you try eating toasted pigskins and drink cooking oil for a change? But if you were not able to make it to this sentence, don’t be an asshole saying this is all baloney. I told you that this is an experiment, you imbecile!
This is for the kind of people who will vote for Jollibee should he run for president. Hurrah! Jollibee for President! From which branch among hundreds should he come from? Just imagine who would be in his executive cabinet. And I bet, a "person" named Ronald would be thinking of joining the opposition. This is for those who will give thesaurus for an answer when asked about their favorite dinosaur. This is also for those who feel important whenever they catch flashes of smiles from a celebrity or a politician during a showbiz event or a campaign. Let me tell you, you’re not just important – you are special. Have you ever thought of enrolling at Little Lambs Montessori? It’s a school for special children, you’d probably finish grade one with flying colors. Still reading? Good.
If you’re comprehending this as an item in a newspaper, begin marveling what happened to the world. If you’re reading this from a site in the internet through your computer, I pity you… Don’t you have a change to spare buying a newspaper? I don’t mean to brag but this thing has been published in three broadsheets read by “important” people. You don’t believe so? Ask your dog.
If you finished reading this, congratulations and thank you. You think you are important now? No. You are just a stupid jerk who thought that this is an experiment because the truth is: this is all gibberish. Now fuck off.
If you’re going to read this insipid piece of crap, make sure that you’ve got a hell of a patience stuffed in that dreary organ of yours – brain or heart, you choose, stupid ass – because this is an experiment to make you lose your intestinal fortitude. Yes, to vex you. It may sound a bit contradicting but this piece won’t make you feel angry but I assure you, somewhere in the middle, you’re gonna lose your patience.
Listen. If you believe that Oprah and Arnold Schwarzenegger do not bear the same sound when they snore but their vocal cords do, you’re gonna continue reading this not because I’ll be telling you more weird, cheap gossips about pathetic who-the-hell-ever. You’re going to continue reading this because you know that I don’t have anything to say, for this is just only an experiment and that you are my stupid subject. Now if you do not agree to the statement I entered in the second sentence of this paragraph, you better start thinking that a million sluts are better than a sloth sitting there, giving up the task of rolling those eyeballs, because the earwax in your ears (oh, the ears! nice guess, moron) is thick enough to make a candle out of it. And I bet that your sluggishness in doing stuff concerning hygiene is the same attitude you have towards reading and consequently, you won’t be able to finish this and find out what this is all about.
This is an experiment, for fuck’s sake! Didn’t I tell you yet? I am not a mad scientist but I can play that role. If you have succeeded reaching this paragraph, let me say it’s an honor to annoy you. Nothing personal. If you think you are exasperated more with this seemingly freshly defecated essay rather than the things it has to say (there’s a big difference, idiot!), continue reading and finish what you started. If you believe otherwise, then STOP READING! Before you begin thinking how nonsensical it all is and blurt out something unpleasant to your mother’s ears, let me do say it first: “Fuck you, motherfucker!”
If you’re still reading, I commend you. Your BP is lower than normal. Why don’t you try eating toasted pigskins and drink cooking oil for a change? But if you were not able to make it to this sentence, don’t be an asshole saying this is all baloney. I told you that this is an experiment, you imbecile!
This is for the kind of people who will vote for Jollibee should he run for president. Hurrah! Jollibee for President! From which branch among hundreds should he come from? Just imagine who would be in his executive cabinet. And I bet, a "person" named Ronald would be thinking of joining the opposition. This is for those who will give thesaurus for an answer when asked about their favorite dinosaur. This is also for those who feel important whenever they catch flashes of smiles from a celebrity or a politician during a showbiz event or a campaign. Let me tell you, you’re not just important – you are special. Have you ever thought of enrolling at Little Lambs Montessori? It’s a school for special children, you’d probably finish grade one with flying colors. Still reading? Good.
If you’re comprehending this as an item in a newspaper, begin marveling what happened to the world. If you’re reading this from a site in the internet through your computer, I pity you… Don’t you have a change to spare buying a newspaper? I don’t mean to brag but this thing has been published in three broadsheets read by “important” people. You don’t believe so? Ask your dog.
If you finished reading this, congratulations and thank you. You think you are important now? No. You are just a stupid jerk who thought that this is an experiment because the truth is: this is all gibberish. Now fuck off.
xdelax-circa09
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